thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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