Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
