I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
