WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
