Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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