When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
