So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
