She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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