the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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