he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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