i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
