I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
