She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
