You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
