No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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