allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
