I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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