genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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