stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
