Got a toothbrush?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
