Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
