my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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