Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
