Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We need a shit load of segways right now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
