i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
