alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
