Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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