You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
