Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
