we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
God I need to hump something, right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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