$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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