I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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