Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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