wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
