Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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