Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
