you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
