We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
