I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
