Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
