And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
