I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
