I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
