My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
