I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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