Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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