When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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