Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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