i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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