wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
