I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
