never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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