I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
