dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
